10 tips for my son leaving home

The A level results are out, the University confirmed, the boy-man is looking to the future and starting his journey to adulthood.  What do I want to say to him as he leaves home? 

It goes something like this:

  1. This is always your home – but don’t feel like you have to come back too often, once a term (or less?) is absolutely fine

  2. When you fall in love – enjoy the heady pleasure of young love and wear a condom
  3. Eat greens – Kale is very cheap from the market.  Eat it with chilli flakes (these you can buy in bulk, they are also cheap and disguise the taste of horrible food)
  4. If the girl you are with can’t stand up – she definitely cannot consent to sex with you
  5. You are privileged to be able to spend 3 years ‘studying’ – you will never have this freedom from responsibility again so make the most of it
  6. Take wisdom and learning where you find it – this may not be from your lecturers who you will only see for 3 hours of face to face teaching a week
  7. Find a part-time job –it is not possible to live on the maintenance loan and bank of mum has gone into liquidation
  8. Landlords of student houses are usually money grabbing bastards – get used to them you will meet people like this all your life
  9. Do not ring me at 4am – I know you love me and slurring it down the phone in the middle of the night is not the way to show it
  10. Remember I love you – actually I need to remember this, as I spend hours fumigating your bedroom so that it can be a ‘spare’ and habitable for guests.

Oh one other point: continue to bring joy, humour, and love to those you meet, you are very special!