10 tips for my son leaving home
The A level results are out, the University confirmed, the boy-man is looking to the future and starting his journey to adulthood. What do I want to say to him as he leaves home?
It goes something like this:
This is always your home – but don’t feel like you have to come back too often, once a term (or less?) is absolutely fine
- When you fall in love – enjoy the heady pleasure of young love and wear a condom
- Eat greens – Kale is very cheap from the market. Eat it with chilli flakes (these you can buy in bulk, they are also cheap and disguise the taste of horrible food)
- If the girl you are with can’t stand up – she definitely cannot consent to sex with you
- You are privileged to be able to spend 3 years ‘studying’ – you will never have this freedom from responsibility again so make the most of it
- Take wisdom and learning where you find it – this may not be from your lecturers who you will only see for 3 hours of face to face teaching a week
- Find a part-time job –it is not possible to live on the maintenance loan and bank of mum has gone into liquidation
- Landlords of student houses are usually money grabbing bastards – get used to them you will meet people like this all your life
- Do not ring me at 4am – I know you love me and slurring it down the phone in the middle of the night is not the way to show it
- Remember I love you – actually I need to remember this, as I spend hours fumigating your bedroom so that it can be a ‘spare’ and habitable for guests.